Top Twelve ways to Get People to Church

12. Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
11. Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
10. Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
9. One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
8. We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came in the church."
7. There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
6. Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
5. Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
4. We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton for those who can!
3. Scorecards will be furnished for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
2. We will distribute "Stamp Our Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
1. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.