PASTOR...

Is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound;
Is more powerful than a locomotive;
Is faster than a speeding bullet;
Walks on water;
Gives policies to God.

ASSOCIATE PASTOR..

Is able to leap short buildings in a single bound;
Is as powerful as a switch engine;
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet;
Walks on water if the sea is calm;
Talks with God.

EDUCATIONAL DIRECTOR...

Leaps short buildings with a running start;
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine;
Is faster than a speeding BB;
Walks on water if he knows where the stumps are;
Talks with God if special request is approved.

MUSIC DIRECTOR...

Clears a quonset hut;
Loses race with a locomotive;
Can fire a speeding bullet;
Swims well;
Is occasionally addressed by God.

YOUTH DIRECTOR...

Runs into small buildings;
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times;
Used a squirt gun in college;
Knows how to use the water fountain;
Mumbles to himself.

CHURCH SECRETARY...

Lifts buildings to walk under them;
Kicks locomotives off the track;
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth;
Freezes water with a single glance;
When God speaks, she says, "May I ask who's calling?".