The New Minister

The new minister was so nervous at his first mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put a little vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly."

The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great! However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor:

Dear Father,
1.Next time sip rather than gulp.
2.There are 10 commandments, not 12
3.There are 12 disciples, not 10
4.We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
5.The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
6.We do not refer to Our Savior, Jesus and His disciples as "J.C. and the Boys"
7.David slew Goliath; he did not "kick the sh** out of him."
8.The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook." 9.It is always the Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry."
10.Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a Taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St.Taffy's.